First and foremost, let’s define what a “heartache” is:
An emotion so mind blowing and heart-shattering that you just wanna walk into the ocean and keep walking till your lungs cease to work.
Are we straight on what a heartache is now? We’re not talking about your 3 month fling that didn’t work out because you can’t keep your wandering eye, tamed. No. We’re talking about a commitment you and another person made to one another and then something outrageous happened forcing you to part ways.
ONE … Cry your eyes out. Or rather, cry out all your saved up tears. Yeah, that’s a good way to look at it. All the tears you saved up for a “good cry” can now be used. There’s something in a human’s make up that allow the unloading of burdensome emotions to be done refreshingly thru crying. Don’t ask me why but have you ever cried your eyes out till you felt like you’d dried them up? Didn’t it feel good afterwards? No? Then you didn’t cry enough. Cry some more. Trust me, it helps. There’s no logical need for emotions to be bottled up once you’ve been broken… none. So release it and see if it don’t make you feel loads lighter.
TWO … Eat a good fatty meal. Most times when we’re broken hearted, we lose interest in the basic functions that keep us alive… eating, sleeping, showering, etc… If you can mindfully get yourself a good hearty 3 course meal, devour it, get yourself in that “food-coma” feeling… aahh man! Thawing yourself from that gives you time enough to release the tension of pain that’s drowning you from inside. Trust me, it helps. It isn’t something you want to do every day, oh no! Just once or twice when you’re going thru the motions. Don’t make it a habit coz you’ll not only be heartbroken, but you’ll be an overly obese one at that.
THREE … Have random sex. Ok this one is a bit tricky coz some of you reading this are not too good about the wording “random” … uhm, ok, let’s skip this one and we’ll re-visit it again… there’s still seven steps left. We’ll see how we come back to this… if may just be one for the Scorpions *wink wink*
FOUR … Delete them from your ONLINE activities. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc… whatever you’ve got them on or whatever you two had accounts that was shared delete it now! Change ALL your passwords on everything: Emails, SoundCloud, Netflix, Voicemail, etc… EVERYTHING. All electronic devices, all wireless activities you have, change ALL your access codes, etc… Most of the “things” you two shared has an everlasting connection to this person that you are BROKEN over. Since it is physically (and emotionally) impossible to UN-break something (or someone), the only thing left to do is to remove and discard what it was that broke it. In this case, delete their electronic prints from your life.
FIVE … Choose a NEW activity for yourself. Something that you did not do together but have always had an interest in… do it now and do it by yourself. Don’t pick up another “potential” right now… this time is YOUR time so make the most of it. For example, do you like dancing? Learn how to dance the hula professionally … or even get one of your girlfriend’s cousin’s sister that does it professionally to hook you up and teach you how to hula. Something DIFFERENT and NEW just for YOU. You don’t have to scratch off all your other activities you had before with your EX but keep away from doing it with them directly. If you use to play volleyball together, go find another gym to play at or try another game with other types of balls. There’s plenty to choose from. Soccer, Tennis, Rugby, etc…
SIX … Keep a journal. If you’re like most heartbroken people, we close out the world. We don’t want to talk to anyone let alone have someone talk to us, telling us all the cliché things people say to other people going thru heartache and pain: time heals; eFF em they didn’t deserve you; they’ll come back; maybe this is for the best; AND ON and ON and ON …. You ain’t got time for that mess. BUT you do have time with yourself so WRITE OUT your emotions… the pain, the frustrations, the angst, the disgust … write it all out. It’s therapeutic really… writing is. Most people don’t know this but writing truly is one of the best methods of healing. It’s also fun to keep it around for months or years even, come back to it and read how you felt or what kind of person you were when you were going thru that ordeal. Some of us grow emotionally and become stronger afterwards; some become bitter… don’t be bitter, just wRyyyyde it out 🙂
SEVEN … Make TIME for YOU. Some people think that the best way to heal a broken heart is to hop right into another relationship. Fill the void quickly so you don’t feel so much pain. Yeah no, that’s not a good idea. It’s like filling a hole in the ground of dirt with water… all you get it mud. See? More mess than necessary. Take this time alone to appreciate who you are, alone. There’s a difference to being “LONELY” and being “ALONE”. Don’t get it twisted. You can be around a crowd of people and still feel lonely. Being alone is a choice. A decision consciously made NOT to dwell on the broken heart but to realize that being ALONE allows you to be exactly WHO and WHAT you are, no holds bar. Leave the toilet seat up or down, or take it off the hinges. Sing off key in the car and sing loudly! Eat only the meat and push the veggies to the side. Eat breakfast for dinner AND lunch. Do whatever makes you LAUGH OUT LOUD. Appreciate your quirkiness that you’ve hidden because it was too weird to share it with someone else.
EIGHT … Okay let’s go back to that RANDOM sex part. Are you a virgin saving yourself for your future spouse? Ok, you can SKIP this part… but if you wanna stay to sneak a peek, I won’t tell. Sex is (for the most part) the last part of oneself that they share with the other person… so it’s been said *coughs. If you want to “heal yourself” from this brokenness you’re going thru… this is the part you want do first and ONLY. Get it? No relationship seeking with this act. Just do the deed, hopefully it’s enjoyable, say thank you and get to stepp’n. Don’t dwell on this act… it’s an innate process that helps in the healing. Still don’t get it? Ok, listen… when we’re broken and left dismayed and wounded, our first feeling is abandonment and with that comes the questioning of our desirability… is ANYONE going to want me anymore? The quicker you squash the doubt of appeal, the faster you can go on to the rest of the healing process. It WAS number three but sometimes, I forget not all women are Scorpions and not all men are Dogs 🙂
NINE … Make a CHANGE in your appearance. It doesn’t matter if it’s your hair color or hair style, but change something about you that makes people STOP and take a second look at you. Don’t be overly dramatic to the point it makes you look insane. Even a subtle change in your everyday look will have others pause and smile if nothing else, just to let you know, they noticed. For men, it could be a different tie color? Something you’d not normally wear. Or a different way you style your hair. Maybe new shoes that give you a lift? Make you look taller. Have others look UP to you to smile and even if they can’t figure it out, it’s a good ice breaker to get people to stop and chat a bit. A change you make about yourself that attracts a positive reaction, is all part of the healing process letting you know, change can be good.
TEN … Forgive yourself. Then forgive whomever broke your heart. Not the religious type? You don’t have to be religious to forgive. Start with forgiving yourself… even if you’re not the cause of the break up, you were still half a part of the whole, thus making half of the break, your fault. We don’t realize it when it happens but we always take up half (if not all) of the blame for a failed relationship. So start with giving yourself a break… some things in life, weren’t meant to last forever. When you’ve settled your guilt to being free… Free your EX from whatever they did, to you, to the family, to the kids, to whomever else was involved with the break up. There is an ABSOLUTE freedom that comes with allowing yourself to FORGIVE someone who’s wronged you. Don’t believe me? Try it. I guarantee, if you forgive whole heartedly and sincerely… you will feel the weight of the world, FALL from your shoulders. There’s NO logic in holding on to hatred or guilt or resentment when it can NEVER un-BREAK your broken heart.
Technically there’s only NINE listed coz the random sex part got revisited so imma use these next few lines as a personal testimony from yours truly 🙂 so that you reading, know that the ME that’s writing knows a little about this subject matter I’m keying on. For me? It’s hard to take advice about being an alcoholic from someone’s who’s not drank a drop of liquor in their life… feel me? You can counsel from books of teaching but you can’t speak from the heart about something that you’ve not lived thru. I’ve lived thru TWO major heartbreaks in my life and I am proof in anyone’s pudding that … there IS healing for hearts that break in two or in pieces.
I was married for 10 yrs to my high school sweetheart. We have two beautiful sons that are 9 yrs apart. Our first born solidified my commitment to my husband, if nothing else did. Our second born was the last in a number of failed pregnancies, forced abortions and tragic miscarriages. For ten years I held on to a man that refused to love me completely, while in the same breath claiming he couldn’t live without me. His infidelity thru out our marriage broke me into so many pieces, I bounced back stronger than ever from each one. The last act that finally shattered my heart was when he questioned if he was the father of when I was pregnant in our 9th year of marriage. Putting aside the fact that it was his adultery with numerous women that broke up our home numerous times… he had the audacity to accuse me of being unfaithful. Not wanting to break up my kids, I stayed married until after our 2nd child was born so he could see for himself that he was wrong… then I went and filed for divorce.
My second break? I’m still trying to healing from 🙂
When it’s all said and done… the process of healing lies in YOUR choices. Do you want to be free of the pain that’s driving you mad? Do you wish to continue grinding your teeth whenever you see your EX? Do you like all that UN-necessary drama in your life? No? Then make a choice to allow healing into your life starting with one simple act . . . just breathe.
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